T-minus 1817 days

I am very sad. I found out yesterday that the Federal Government put a lien on my house. Yes...yes...I know it's just a thing but dang it! I felt like LHA and their Cronies were yet again trying to take as much as they could from me. First the lying in court stating:

1. That I refuse to purchase textbooks and supplies for the students.
A. The Devil's a Lie
B. John Alford, my boss, was the only person who could make that type of final decision.
C. What I didn't agree with spending was on anything that was NOT listed in the BOARD APPROVED BUDGET.

2. That this was not the first time that I had committed a crime.
A. Seriously...bold faced lie.
B. When Michael Allweiss came up with that statement I was wondering what crack he'd been smoking that day. It was
a blanket statement with no basis in fact and no proof to back it up.

3. That I dealt a devastating blow to the New Orleans Charter School System.
A. Really? Little old me? All by myself? Again.....Lie
B. Question....what was devastating? The $673,000 that I took, the over $5,000,000 (that's be million) worth of
funding that I brought in or that I made the Board and CEO look bad and like they were sleeping on the job?

4. Andrew Sullivan's statement that, " We were friends."
A. Lie...period.

To this I say...Langston Hughes Academy, your Cronies and Judge Carl J.Barbier....you must read Psalm 41. That is a gift to all of us.

The funny thing is as I lay in my bed frustrated at the situation, prayerful of a way through this issue....my roommates came in. I used to be a super private person, someone who didn't talk to many (maybe my sisters), if anyone about things that I was thinking about or going through. I got out of bed and asked them both to sit down. I said to them," I don't know what to do." and I told them what was on my mind.

Their responses ranged from telling me about their experiences with the same exact issue and recommending that I speak with the camp counselor about it, because he deals with this issue often to recommending that I speak to a real estate attorney that they know well and who happens to be here as well.

Then I talked to my family about it.

Wow God....well ok....talk about a prompt response, I really needed that.

3 miles (daily) - two days of pilates exercises.

FAITH

T-minus - 1821- 1818 Days

There is a person here by the name of CoCo (or at least that's how I think you spell it). Anyway, she's scheduled to be released tomorrow (Tuesday). This morning as I was ironing my shirts, I stopped what I was doing and went by her room to ask her a simple question: What are 3 things that you wish you'd known when you first got here? Her response:

1. Ignore the children....people always believe that they have all of the answers, when actually as human beings we know nothing.

2. Take this time to learn something new...this will probably be one of the few opportunities when you can.

3. Use this time for you. It is all about you. The people at your sentencing, on the opposing side, didn't realize they were handing you a great opportunity. If you want to change your hairstyle...do it...there's no one here that you want/need to impress. If you want to finally get in shape, this is your chance.

The funny thing is these are all things that I was thinking before and right as I got here. So, I suppose nothing has really changed in that respect.

I'm walking the track this morning having my morning convo with God, trying to get 2 miles in before aerobics class and I start thinking about Langston Hughes Academy.

I figure this month, August my birthday month, should be about releasing resentment. I truly belive that releasing resentment, much like forgiveness, is something you do for yourself and not for anyone else.

I think these next blogs will mention LHA more than a few times, as I attempt to purge them FULLY from my system and my future. Writing it down, for me at least, is one way of releasing, forgiving, letting go and making room in my head/heart for something great.

So here goes (oh and this will not always be politically correct, because I am being true to myself):

Dear Langston Hughes Academy-

I am releasing my resentment to you for:

1. Having an incompetent CEO/Founder
2. Me having to drive the 2 hours to Baton Rouge, to the Department of Education (DOE) in July 2008, with 445 student applications so that the 60 new and 7 continuing employees could get paid.
3. CEO/Founder John Alford's ignorance in not knowing that those needed to me turned in much earlier so that HIS employees could get paid.
4. This be ing the first of many times that I had to ask employees of the Department of Education to please do a favor for me on behalf of LHA because the CEO just didn't know any better.

Letter to be continued....

3 miles (each day) - one Maximum Intensity class (Ab Focus)

Day 2 (t-minus 1824) and Say 3 (t-minus1825)

At 6:15am I left the hotel where my family was still sleeping. I knew I needed to actually see the facility, that I would be calling home for the next 5 years of my life, alone...first. I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe a repeat of the classic scenes from OZ or any of the Law & Order shows....or...God-forbid 5 years of Orleans Parish Prison Women's Ward in Southwhite.

Should I be glad that what I have actually experienced is more like....hmmm...how would I describe the past three days?

1. No fences but lots of out-of-bound signs.
2. Food that tastes like what I ate in high-school.
3. A college dorm room but with one roomie my age(with kleptomania issues) and the other 20 years older(with resentment issues).
4. The realization that...damn...there are alot of people from New Orleans here.
5. New York City is not the only place where there are alot of people in a small space, where everyone recognizes it and tries to make the best of it.
6. The primary concern of Federal employees is keeping their job....i.e. not doing anything to mess that up.
7. Secret deodorant is just as expensive in Prison (at the commissary) as it is at CVS.
8. Asics tennis shoes are always cheaper at Marshall's. (Which is why I shopped there frequently)
9. Crocheted blankets are actually cute.

Do I have any outside issues/concerns?
Right now no. Maybe that will change later.

6 miles - 10 girlie push-up - 30 crunches

Blog Day 1 or 1825 days...

1825 days. That's 60 months or 5 years. What could someone do in that time?

1. Graduate college?
2. Pay off a car note.

I think that that is long enough to get more than a whole lot completed. Well, I suppose I'm going to find out, since that was what I was sentenced to....1825 days.

T-minus 1822 Days

Have you ever noticed that the same people who say, when they first meet you,"Oh, if I am ever rude or mean un-necessarily, I will immediately apologize!" Are the same people, who when they are mean or rude un-necessarily, feel completely justified in their meanness or rudeness...too funny.

I am beginning to think that this place, for me at least, will be a study/education in relationships, from a distance. You see I am one of those people who are very black in white when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Either you're my friend or you're not.

I think that this place has a lot of gray areas. It has a way of impersonalizing everything. The employee are polite, to a point. I suppose they have to be, since everything here is so transitory. The other inmates on the other hand.... They are a really interesting topic. They are what you would expect at a regular job/ on a college campus. Most, however, are overweight. This is fascinating because there is a track/gym, everything you would need to get fit or at least stay healthy.

Anyway...what's the saying...Big Minds...big things....small minds...small people.

so let's talk about me...lol...I am:

38 years old and newly on blood pressure medication
45 ponds overweight...and dropping slowly
semi-fluent in French
have my Bachelor's degree
started a non-profit afterschool program
completely muscularly inflexible
currently incarcerated but am not in prison
believe in God/Jesus
can be controlling
can be impatient

and thar's just the tip of the iceberg.

So...let's just wait and see how these things change over the next 1825 days.

3 miles - 10 girlie pushups - 30 crunchs

T-minus 1823 Days

So, I read this today:

You can kiss your family and friends goodbye and put miles between you,
but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart,
your mind, your stomach (lol) because
you do not just live in a world
but a world lives in you. - Frederick Buechner

All I could think after I read that was ...dang. That is so true.

3 miles

Does a Board and CEO really have any responsibility.....

For their Organizations well being?

In the Sentencing Report LHA told the court that I alone had SOLE responsibility for all of the school's finance's. And of course they believed that.....Really?

I was hired as the Business and Human Resource Manager not the Finance Manager. However, I was not solely responsible for the financial records/management of the organization. My responsibly was to work with the School Leader/CEO/Principal and Board Finance Committee (made up of the Board Chair and two Licensed CPA’s).
I believe the question is, how was I able to conceal my crime? To answer this, I believe, we must look at the financial responsibilities of all three parties.

In effective non-profit organizations it is the responsibility of the Board of Directors and Finance Committee for using resources to achieve the organizations objectives. They have to pay careful attention to financial affairs. They also have to make sure that senior managers take financial management seriously. Good financial management starts with the board. They are the final authority. They are supposed to focus on overseeing the organization, this includes:

1. Making sure that funds are used to help beneficiaries effectively;
2. Making sure that the organization has enough funding;
3. Making sure that the organization has effective senior management;
4. Making sure that the organization operates within the law;
5. Making sure that the board can handle its responsibilities effectively.

School Leader/CEO/Principal also has important financial management responsibilities because they are employed to use resources to achieve organizations goals.

They focus on actively running the organization:
1. Making sure that resources are used effectively;
2. Matching resources and activities;
3. Supporting staff / managers;
4. Ensuring that finance staff and program staff work together;

My responsibility as the Business and HR Manager was to help the Principal/CEO and Board Finance Committee meet their financial management responsibilities by:
1. Actively supporting the organization’s values and culture;
2. Setting up and running financial systems;
3. Helping employees and managers understand financial management issues;
4. Supporting relationships with partner organizations;
5. Supporting audits and meeting legal requirements.

I hope you understand that I am in no way pushing off my responsibility for my crime. I understand what I did was make a very poor decision…and in the end that is what really matters. I am, however, hoping to clarify my level of responsibility with the Langston Hughes Organization.

I have been asked several times how was it possible that I concealed my crime for such a long period of time. Here is the answer.

Although I know it was wrong, I was able to conceal my crime because my CEO and Board Finance Committee Members placed their jobs responsibilities on me. In other words, they did not do their jobs and expected me to compensate . After I was let go by the organization for not having the financial skills necessary to do my job adequately (see letter of termination) it only took the auditors a week to find out what I had done and they found out by looking at the bank statements. There was no deep searching necessary to see what had happened.

Fyi...I truly regret that I allowed my frustrations and inability to handle the pressure of doing the jobs of three people, to get the best of me. I wish I had used a different coping skill rather than gambling as a way of making the world and the demands that were placed on me stop…if only for a few hours.